Was younger you prepared for where you are now?

I recently had a lovely meeting with an HR person to discuss how to raise awareness around fertility and it’s impact on work in their organisation. One of the understandable challenges this person expected to face was that the workforce in that particular company was relatively young. She didn’t say it explicitly but I imagine the question she was mulling over was “will people be interested in this conversation?” And I understand that thought! Here was this brilliant HR person totally getting the importance of the message herself, but wondering how to position it and get other people to engage. I’ve been thinking about it ever since because whilst I’m not THAT old now, I don’t think I’d get away with calling myself young. So I do recognise there is a difference between my perspective on this topic and a younger person’s. I also remember being one of these “younger people” myself and was I thinking about fertility then? NOPE. Did I want my employer to talk about it? I don’t think I’d have minded but I wouldn’t have thought that conversation was aimed at me and I can’t confidently say I’d have engaged with it. 

But I so wish I’d been better prepared

My word was younger me unprepared for the loss, grief, longing, interventions and confidence nosedive that was to come! Would all of those things have been easier had I heard people ahead of me talking about their experiences? I’ll never know but I imagine I’d have felt less alone. I imagine I’d have felt less blindsided. I imagine I’d have given myself more grace. I imagine I’d have something of a trodden path to follow. I imagine, but I’ll never know. So would I advise a younger me to pay attention if my employer puts on a talk about fertility? I’m biased now but yes I would because then I’d have been more prepared for what was to come. At the very least I’d have thought twice before helping coordinate a team baby shower for a colleague all those many years ago (yes I’m afraid I did do that) because knowing what I know now…what if there was someone in our team hating every single second? I’ll never know now but I imagine there was. 

For women in general…

I try not to aim any of my messaging toward women in particular (despite my penchant for pink branding – why should pink mean women only?!) buuuut I am closing this week’s newsletter with some girls stuff. As I’ve been thinking about how naive younger me was when it came to fertility and the crazy journey I’d end up taking…it’s got me thinking about what’s next. A friend and I were talking about perimenopause recently because I’d been moaning about night sweats…”it could be perimenopause” she said. And it dawned on me (after I spat my drink out and said EXCUSE ME, BUT I’M SO YOUNG!) that I’m just as unprepared for the next season of my life. I know it’s coming to us all and I know roughly what happens but like fertility when I was younger, I’ve probably tuned it out as something that I don’t need to think about just yet. 

Where am I going with this? I think I’m trying to say that as women, we keep all of these issues under wraps. Putting on brave faces, pretending in the office that everything is ticketyboo when actually our bodies are messing with us big time (fertility, endometriosis, PMS, menopause, hormones, loss, longing, rage, hot flashes, brain fog, tearfulness, forgetfulness)…but we’re doing ourselves and the women who come after us a disservice maintaining these taboos because no-one is prepared and when the issues come up we’re blindsided, embarrassed, apologetic and exhausted maintaining the pretence that EVERYTHING IS FINE!

I hadn’t intended to go on that rant but thinking about the sweet summer child that was younger me got me feeling a bit frustrated for her 😂.

What do you wish you’d known when you were younger? How can we get better at preparing people for balancing their life events with work? Or do we let people just experience things as they come up and wing it?

Career Coach With a Fertility Lens – How to work with me

I help people balance their careers with their fertility journeys. If you would like support to manage these 2 difficult things when they collide, book a free discovery call with me to learn about my Career Plus Fertility 1:1 Coaching Program