This week feels as good a time as any to relaunch my sporadic and inconsistent newsletter! And rather shamelessly I thought the theme of this edition should be Give Yourself Grace For Not Getting To All Of The Things You Want to Do, Newsletters Included! Ok it’s not catchy and needs a bit of wordsmithing but you get the gist!
#Fertilityinmind
Fertility Network UK are right to focus our attention on the impact our fertility has on our minds, our mental wellbeing. Most people reading this newsletter will be going through or have been through their own experience of fertility challenges. Or you’ll be an employer / friend / colleague / confidante of someone who is going through it. So you’ll have some idea what Fertility Network UK are talking about. You’ll know that fertility challenges are overwhelming, that they are relentless and can chip away at your resolve. When I went through my own journey, experienced the grief, the trauma and the overwhelm – I also spent a lot of time convincing myself I could and should do everything.
I’m not talking about over confidence in my ability to do everything, what I mean is that I thought I should be doing all of the things. Everything on my to do list, every chore, every project, hobbies, daily walks, yoga, healthy meals, socialising, having fun, relaxing, climbing the ladder in my job, looking for a new better job, being content with where I was, learning new things, honing established skills. I could go on but that would be boring for you. The point is, I was always busily trying to do all the things but achieving only what was humanly possible to achieve. I was barely touching the sides when it came to everything I wanted to do and felt overwhelmed and stressed as a result.
It’s not an uncommon feeling I imagine. We all have a to do list as long as our arm and growing. Those of us who know how overwhelming fertility challenges can be will also know how easy it is to feel like you’re failing. “My body isn’t doing what I want it to AND I can’t do everything I set out to do professionally / socially / at home.” You can start to feel like you’re doing an awful lot but achieving not nearly enough, which adds to your overwhelm.
You're doing everything you CAN
But what if you gave yourself grace? What if you recognised the fact that you can only do so much? What if you were realistic about what was actually achievable.
If you only have time to do 2 things out of a list of 20, and you do just the first 2 things on the list. You haven’t failed to do things 3-20, you have chosen to do things 1 and 2. See how a simple reframe can change your perspective on your ability.
So give yourself permission to stop trying to do all of the things and chose what’s most important in the moment. If you’re struggling to balance your career with your fertility journey and to-do-list overwhelm is an aggravating factor, how comfortable could you get with stripping back that list? What things on your list are “nice to haves” that you can flex on?
So what is going to be the single most impactful thing to do on your list right now? Prioritise that thing. Make that choice, own it and be comfortable with your decision to do the rest later or even not at all if that’s appropriate. I’ll do it with you, I love to write and I love receiving responses to my newsletter ramblings about fertility and it’s impact on career so I choose to relaunch. And I choose to do so without any guilt for having gone a bit quiet due to capacity!
In the spirit of not giving advice I wouldn’t follow myself, I promise to forgive myself every time this newsletter’s consistency waivers again. Let the chaos of my inconsistent newsletter writing inspire you to be comfortable doing just what you can and not beating yourself up about the rest.